You Should Have Said...

I don't know about you, but any time I tell my husband a story about how I handled an explosive moment in my day to day life (usually dealing with a bank, or the builder, or a rude man at the bus stop), his reaction is often along these lines:

"well, you should have told them x"
or
"you should have given them y"
or
"I would have said z".

What I never hear is "wow honey, you handled that so well - you really told them off! I would never have thought of saying that!". But I bear this in mind. Years ago I read Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. I received the book as a gift from a friend and initially I was insulted, but I tried it out and it was a pretty good read. A few things stayed with me and one of them was that when men listen to a story about confrontation or a problem, they offer help and solutions whereas women listen, nod and then often praise. So if your husband is like mine and piles in there verbally abusing the "esprit des escaliers" (literally "the spirit of the stairs", which so well explains that moment of genius you have after leaving the scene where you just blurted out something inappropriate, stupid and angry) then rest assured he is doing that not to annoy you, but because he is a male.

To thoroughly annoy you, I am going to break with tradition and suggest a recipe for something that is perfectly good, store bought - Hoummus. It's just so simple to make and very popular. If you're asked to bring a dip to a party, then this is the fast and easy route, trust me. And it does taste better!

Hoummus

The hardest thing about this recipe is finding the tahini, which is literally peanut butter made out of sesame seeds instead of peanuts. It's pale and splits into paste and oil, so stir it up before using. I use about 1 cup tahini to 2 tins of (drained) chick peas. Place both in a food processor with 1/2 cup of olive oil - and don't measure it all out! This is a real "hurl it in and taste as you go" recipe. Add one large clove of crushed garlic, a big pinch of sea salt, a tsp of cumin powder and juice from half a lemon. Puree it down to a paste, and check the texture. If it's very thick, add some more olive oil until it's like stiff icing, then instead of adding yet more (expensive and fattening) olive oil, add water until it's at a typical hoummus slightly sloppy consistency. Now taste. Chances are it's bland. Add more salt and more lemon juice, and if you're brave, another clove of crushed garlic. It will eventually come to life and taste wonderful. As you add flavour, stir and taste, think to yourself "you're cooking good looking!".

OK I know that was dumb.

Are All Men Boys?

Last night I went out with two MSM's (Married Single Mothers) after spending some time in the afternoon with Geraldine. I was particularly disappointed to hear that Geraldine, too, is an MSM as I thought of her husband as one of the more devoted and doting ones I know. She said she was terribly lonely, looking after their daughter every weekend while he went off sailing. He thinks that because he does all the cooking, he's off the hook! All I can say is jeepers, look at the mess we've got ourselves into. Does anyone out there have a truly involved husband? Do you get time off every weekend...?

I think of Guacamole as comfort food, so here's to you, Geraldine...

Cheat's Guacamole

When it comes to speedy cooking, you often have to cheat, lie or steal. Sometimes all three. This is a cheat's recipe for Guacamole as it is deeply unauthentic but delicious. Take one ripe avocado per person, and for each avocado add about one big tbsp mayonnaise, juice of half a lemon and 1/4 tsp of garlic salt. Mash all together with a fork - ta da! The mayonnaise can be any kind. I recently found a lime/chili mayonniase at Wholefoods which worked very well but I usually use Light Hellman's. Leave some lumps in so everyone knows you made it yourself.